Elder Abuse

The chances of becoming a victim of abuse increase as you get older. There are many reasons for this. One reason is because older people often have to rely on others for help. This puts those caregivers in a position to take advantage you. Sadly, many seniors are taken advantage of and mistreated by family members or caregivers.

Elder abuse can look very different depending on the situation. This chapter will help you understand what abuse can look like in real life.

This chapter will:

Give you examples of elder abuse;
Talk about the feelings that can lead to living with abuse, rather than acting to stop it;
Tell you steps you can take to make your situation better; and,
Tell you how to get help from others.

Remember: You have a right to live a life free of abuse.

If you are concerned that someone you know is being abused, click here for more information on how to help [1].

What is Elder Abuse?

There are many different kinds of elder abuse. Elder abuse can be in the form of: financial exploitation, neglect, isolation, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or domestic abuse. Sometimes, many different forms of abuse happen at the same time.

This section will talk about the different forms of abuse and share some stories from people who have experienced abusive situations.

Financial exploitation

You might be worried that someone is taking over your bank accounts or controlling your money. Or, you might feel like someone is trying to take advantage of you. Or, someone might be telling you that you can’t do things because they have “Power of Attorney over you.” If any of these things are true for you, someone might be financially exploiting you. Financial exploitation is a form of elder abuse that happens when someone takes your money, property, or assets without your permission.

Here is an example of financial exploitation:

Joe made his daughter the agent under his Power of Attorney thinking he might need help with paying his bills in the future. Then he started getting past due bills from credit card companies, but he did not own a credit card. He found out she had cleaned out his bank account and taken out several credit cards in his name. Joe went to Legal Services for the Elderly for help in cleaning up his debt problems and revoking the Power of Attorney.

Neglect

If you are not getting the help, care, or food that you need, there’s a good chance that you are being neglected. This is especially true if someone said that they would do these things for you. Neglect is a very common form of elder abuse.

Here is an example of neglect:

Mary lived with her husband Frank for 31 years. She did not drive and her husband handled all of the bill paying. After Frank died, she needed help with many things around the house. Her niece Sarah agreed to move in and help out. Sarah helped with cleaning, cooking, and bill paying for several weeks, but then she stopped buying any groceries. And then the power was shut off because she wasn’t paying the bills. Mary was not sure what was happening with her money. Sarah threatened to send Mary to a home if she tried to get help from anyone else. Legal Services for the Elderly helped Mary get her niece out of the house, and the local Area Agency on Aging helped her find a trusted caregiver to help her stay in her home.

Isolation

Maybe you are feeling lonely but someone is keeping you from getting in touch with your friends or family. Or maybe you are forced to stay in a room and are not allowed to come out without permission. If someone is keeping you from connecting with other people, this is called isolation.

Here is an example of isolation:

Louise lived alone and was losing her sight. She was having a hard time taking care of herself and her home. Louise’s daughter and son in law convinced her to sell her home and buy a trailer in the daughter’s name. They said they would put the trailer on their property. They promised Louise that she could live there forever and they would take care of her. All they asked in return was that she put their names on all her bank accounts. After she did all these things, they took away her phone and refused to put any calls through to her. Instead, they told her no one cared about her any more. They also took the keys to her car. The trailer had no heat and the weather was getting colder. Louise told a friend at her church what was going on and the friend called the police and adult protective services. With the help of her APS worker, Louise was able to make the changes she needed to regain control of her life and get into a safe living situation.

Physical abuse

If someone hurts you physically or uses drugs to control you, you might be experiencing physical abuse. Physical abuse is a form of elder abuse that happens when someone hits, kicks or slaps you. It is also physical abuse if someone restrains you by force or with medication.

Here is an example of physical abuse:

Frank’s son Bill was living with him because he could not find work. It helped them both to share living expenses. But Bill had a serious drinking problem and he sometimes yelled at his father when he was drunk. The yelling was happening more and more often. Finally Frank told Bill he would have to leave if he didn’t stop yelling at him. This made Bill very angry and he pushed his father down. Frank called Legal Services for the Elderly and an attorney helped him get a protective order and remove his son from his house.

Sexual abuse

You might have had an interaction with someone that left you feeling bad. That person might have forced you to touch them, or may have touched you without your permission. Maybe that person didn’t touch you, but forced you to take off your clothes. Or maybe they took off their clothes in front of you or forced you to look at dirty pictures or videos. All of these things are forms of sexual abuse.

Here is an example of sexual abuse:

Sue was befriended by a man from her apartment complex. He helped her carry groceries from her car and chatted with her when she was walking her dog. One day he showed up at her apartment and asked if he could come in for a visit. Once inside, he pulled down his pants and asked Sue if she wanted to be his boyfriend. He left when she said no, but Sue was very frightened and felt trapped in her apartment. She called Legal Services for the Elderly and obtained a protection order and got help making a report to the police. She also got connected to her local Sexual Violence Support Center where she was able to talk to someone and get the emotional support she needed.

Emotional abuse

Is there someone in your life who says things that hurt you? Does this person make you feel embarrassed or ashamed? Do they tell you that you are confused or can’t remember things because you are old? Or, maybe someone scares you because of how they act. Maybe they even threaten you with harm if you don’t do what they want. This is called emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse rarely occurs alone. It is often paired with other forms of abuse.

Domestic abuse

If any of these forms of abuse are happening to you by your spouse, significant other, child, grandchild, or any other member of your family, it is called domestic abuse.

It Can be Hard to Ask for Help …

You might not want to ask for help because you feel:

That you have nowhere else to go. But you have other options. There are many community resources that can help you find a safe living arrangement. Some of these community resources will even help you stay in your home. You do not have to live in an abusive situation.

That you are all alone and no one cares about you. But you are not alone. Family, friends, co-workers, community members, doctors, and spiritual advisors can help you. Everyone needs help at some point.

That they didn’t mean it, and they promise to change. But even if they promise to change, the abuse will not end unless someone does something to stop it. Many seniors are abused by their adult children or caregivers. It can be really confusing when the person who is hurting you is someone you love, or someone who is supposed to be caring for you.

That the abuse is your fault or you deserve it. But everyone makes their own choices. You are not to blame for the abuser’s behavior. Many seniors who are being mistreated by their adult children feel like they can’t speak up. They might not want to get their child in trouble, or might feel somehow responsible. But, abuse isn’t healthy for anyone. Not for you or the abuser, or anyone else.

That you are old and worthless. But you are an important human being. You have a lifetime of knowledge and experience to share. Being older does not mean that you are deserving of less.

Remember: You have the right to live a life free from abuse. You are not alone, the abuse is not your fault, and you deserve better. You can do something to end the abuse.

If you are ready to end the abuse, you need to talk to someone. You need to ask for help. There are people who are ready to help you. You can find those people in the “How to Ask for Help” [2]section.

If you are not quite ready to ask for help, but you want to do something to make your life safer, read the next section called “Things You Can Do to Make Your Life Safer.” [3]

Things You Can Do to Make Your Life Safer

If you are being mistreated, there are some small steps you can take to make your life safer. This section will give you some information about those steps.

If you ever feel like you are in danger, call 911.

If someone is hurting you or scaring you

If someone is hurting you or scaring you, you might be able to go to court and get a protection order against that person. This is called a “Protection from Abuse” order (PFA) or a “Protection from Harassment” order (PFH). When you get the order, that person can no longer come near you. If they do, you can call the police.

The attorneys at Legal Services for the Elderly can help. If you think you would like to try to get a PFA or PFH, call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 to speak to an attorney for free and confidential help.

If the Agent under your Power of Attorney is taking advantage of you

If you feel like the Agent under your Power of Attorney (POA) is taking advantage of you, the attorneys at Legal Services for the Elderly can help. Your attorney can help you “revoke” your Power of Attorney. This means that you take away your Agent’s right to act or make decisions for you. Your attorney might also be able to help you name a new Agent under a POA.

If you are interested in revoking your current Power of Attorney and creating a new one, call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 to speak to an attorney for free and confidential help.

If someone has taken over your life, house, or money

If someone has taken over your life, house, or money, there are ways to regain control. Call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 to speak to an attorney for free and confidential help. Your attorney will help you make the changes that are needed to get your life back.

If you want help getting someone out of your home

If you are sharing your house with another person and you want that person to leave, you need to “evict” that person. This means that you go to court and go through the legal process which allows you to remove that person from your home. Once you get the court’s permission, you can make that person move out. This means that you get your home back.

If you would like to get someone out of your house, call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 to speak to an attorney for free and confidential help.

If someone has destroyed your credit

If someone has racked up debt in your name and you are being harassed by debt collectors, you have certain rights. You might be able to get some of the charges removed from your credit cards. You can tell debt collectors to stop contacting you. Some of your income and assets are protected from debt collectors.

Call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 to speak to an attorney for free. Your attorney can help you address your debt problems.

If you need help so you can stay in your home

If you want to stay in your home but you need help with things like getting dressed, cooking, or taking medication, there are agencies that can help. You might even be able to get help paying for these services. To find out what services are available in your area, or for help setting up services, call your local Area Agency on Aging at 1-877-353-3771.

Remember: Everyone needs help eventually. Don’t be embarrassed about asking for help, is not a sign of defeat or failure. It’s a smart thing to do to protect yourself and to stay in control. The trick is to find a trustworthy person to do the job. Your local Area Agency on Aging can help you find the right person.

Asking For Help

If someone is hurting you, neglecting you, taking advantage of you, or trying to take advantage of you, you need to tell someone.

Asking for help is not an easy thing to do, but it’s important. If you don’t ask for help, it will be hard to get yourself in a better situation. Reach out to a trusted family member or friend. Or, tell your doctor or your spiritual advisor.

There are also many agencies you can turn to. The people who work at these agencies are professionals. Everything you say to them will be confidential. You get to stay in control. They will tell you what your options are, and you choose what to do. Your decision will be respected. No one will force you to do anything you don’t want to do.

If you are not getting the care that you need from your caregiver:

Call your local Area Agency on Aging at 1-877-353-3771 [4] to find out what supports and services are available to help; or,
Call the Maine Long Term Care Ombudsman Program at 1-800-499-0229 [5].

If someone is physically hurting you:

Call 911 if you feel like you are in danger.
Call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 [6] to speak to an attorney for free; or,
Call the Domestic Violence Statewide Helpline at 1-866-834-4357 [7]; or,
Call the Sexual Violence Statewide Crisis and Support Line at 1-800-871-7741 [8].

If someone is saying things to make you feel bad, ashamed, or worthless:

Call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 [6] to speak to an attorney for free; or,
Call the Domestic Violence Statewide Helpline at 1-866-834-4357 .

If someone is stealing your money or taking advantage of you:

Call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 [7] to speak to an attorney for free.

Resources

Legal Services for the Elderly
If you are a Maine resident who is 60 or older, and you would like help making your life safer, call the Legal Services for the Elderly Helpline at 1-800-750-5353 [6] to talk to an attorney for free.

Sexual Violence Statewide Crisis and Support Line
Immediately following a sexual assault, take whatever steps you can make sure you are safe. You may want to call the statewide sexual assault crisis and support line: 1-800-871-7741 [8] or TTY 1-888-458-5599 [9]. When you call, you will be connected to someone nearby who can listen, offer support and information, and help you decide what you want to do next.

Domestic Violence Statewide Helpline
If you need help with a domestic violence situation, call the Helpline at 1-866-843-4357 [10]. When you call, you will be connected to someone who can listen, offer emotional support and information, help you with safety planning and help you decide what you want to do next.

Area Agency on Aging
For more information about services that are available in your area, call your local Area Agency on Aging at 1-877-353-3771 [4]. Services include: long term care options counseling; identifying possible housing; assisting in receiving benefits; and, providing family support and meals.

Maine Long Term Care Ombudsman
If you are not getting the care that you need from your caregiver, call the Maine Long Term Care Ombudsman at 1-800-499-0229 [5]. To learn more about the Ombudsman, visit the Maine Long Term Care Ombudsman website by clicking here. [11]

Maine Council for Elder Abuse Prevention
For more information about elder abuse, ways to prevent it, and agencies in Maine that provide services to people dealing with abuse, visit the Maine Council for Elder Abuse Prevention’s website by clicking here [12].

State of Maine Department of Health and Human Services
Adult Protective Services (APS) – Office of Aging and Disability Services
If you are worried about a senior, you can call and report your concerns to APS. APS provides and arranges for services to protect incapacitated and dependent adults (age 18 and over) in danger of abuse, neglect, or exploitation.
1-800-624-8404 [13] (Nationwide, 24/7, toll free)
Maine Relay 711 (TTY, 24/7)

National Center on Elder Abuse
For more information about elder abuse and ways to prevent it, visit the website for the National Center on Elder Abuse by clicking here [14].

Maine Suicide Prevention Program - Hotline
If you are concerned about yourself or about someone else, call the crisis hotline at 1-888-568-1112 [15]. If you are not in Maine, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK [16] (8255). For more information, visit the Maine Suicide Prevention Program website by clicking here. [17]